Monday, February 10, 2020

5:30 Wake Ups & Winter Blues (wk 4)

Winter Blues 2020It's Monday, and I'm here in my leggings, messy bun, and sherpa lined blanket to tell you that I'm over you, Winter.

I've been especially frustrated with this year's grey, gloomy, not-a-winter season because it's been gross and uneventful and I'd like to get back to sunshine and birds now, please.

So yeah, I've hit that winter wall - the one where you are too cold do anything but read books and drink unhealthy amounts of coffee. And for the next however long it takes Spring to show up, that mild apathy is going to slowly deteriorate into desperation and despair: the kind where I actually shed tears at the sight of flurries. I guess this is what one might call the winter blues (though I tend to not make that call until I actually want to rage at the forecast, and I'm not there....yet.)

Sometimes I wonder why on earth we tolerate doing this every year and then I remember - oh yeah - it's because I can't seem to get the entirety of my extended family to move to a warmer climate with me. So, I blame this on all of you. Kidding. (Sort of.)

Once upon a time, Matt and I moved to one such warmer climate for a handful of years - when we were young and answered only to ourselves. The cliffs notes version is that there were a lot of different feelings and reactions involved and we finally hit a point where we mutually agreed that we wanted our kids to know the families they came from and so here we are - all soggy boots and pale skin, once again.

I learned a few years back that our bodies have natural rhythms that coincide with the seasons, and despite the societal consensus that January is a time for setting goals and pushing yourself, hibernation is kind of ideal this time of year. I've since dropped a lot of guilt and expectations around winter, thankfully.

There are times, though, in this depth and grossness of winter, that I have no choice but to push through. Matt's job is based out of town and he has to travel a handful of times a year, which leaves me to solo parent for anywhere from 3-5 days (usually). I hate when it happens in the winter because it adds extra things to my plate like shoveling, clearing off cars, bundling up kids and making sure they have boots for recess, etc. And, wouldn't ya know it, we just had to do it last week.

So sick of being frozen!One of the things on my list of Intentional week ideas was to have early wake ups. I've never been this kind of person - I value my sleep and natural rhythms more than whatever can get accomplished in those dark, early hours. I guess because so many people swear by "winning the morning" and because I knew I was going to need a lot of extra built-in time this week, I thought it was worth giving a shot.

And undecided.

I'm mostly leaning towards "that sucked", but I'm kind of curious if I'd have a different reaction in a warmer season. This time of year in general requires a lot of will-power - we're cold, tired, and cooped-up, our immune systems are in overdrive, the days are short, gloomy, and dark. Doing simple tasks can feel monumental. So basically, sticking to an early bed time and then peeling myself out of my warm bed an hour early used up some of that will power that I really didn't have to spare.

I did it successfully every day, and I did make it out of the house more on time than usual (with all my tasks taken care of early in the day), but I was beat. And frustrated. And feeling ripped off from my usual "me time" and rest. I'm just not really sure if that's worth it.

My rebel side is screaming, heck no it isn't.

And the fact that I've spent almost all of my days since it's ended doing A LOT of recovery activities (like sleeping in, reading for hours and hours, avoiding tasks like the plague), I'd say it really wasn't worth it. My indecision comes from the fact that it was kind of necessary to get through the week, and I'm not sure we would have made it everywhere on time if I hadn't done it.

I'll just say this: I'm not planning on doing it again any time soon. (And also - you suck, Winter.)

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