Friday, May 1, 2020

Pt. 4 - It's all magic.

DAY 4 - March 18, 2020

     Home life has been both calmer and busier. As a family we're doing more and being more intentional, but with less pressure and rush. Overall, it's a really good feeling. It's unfair and I know, privileged, to be thankful for this new pace of life, but I am. So far, anyway.

     This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I started making connections in understanding how the Universe/God has been supporting me leading up to this moment. It started in August and felt intense through the holidays. As soon as it eased up, I started to feel antsy. I thought I was waiting for Florida or spring - I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being held in some kind of holding pattern. I just couldn't see what I was actually waiting for. Here's a collection of all the things that happened or that felt hard in the moment but were actually blessings in disguise.

     With the school year approaching and the first time all three of my kids would be in full time school, I felt sad, lost, and unsure of what to do going forward. I felt very pulled to stay home no matter what I chose to do. I also very suddenly felt ready and obligated to face my dental fears (which I attributed to years of self-help and personal development, so the support goes pretty deep if you think about it). This feeling of bravery and readiness lead to developing my spiritual connections and to taking care of the two most pressing dental issues I had, which would be a problem right now if I didn't get them taken care of before isolation.

Supported the whole time.     We were woo'ed by a house we really wanted to purchase for our family but that would have stretched our financial well being to its limits. The sale fell through, leaving us feeling depressed and defeated. However, because of it not working out, we have more money at our disposal for stocking up and being stuck at home, our bathroom got renovated before being stuck inside, and as the economy and real estate market fall, we've got land and a decade of un-inflated equity.

     This was the month of all things breaking and going wrong all over the house. In this month alone, we had our front yard dug up to replace our drainage system, a mold mitigation crew tear up a finished room in our basement, our dryer first loosing its heat, then start uncontrollably burning our clothes, lights breaking and bulbs blowing everywhere, and our oven stopped working while it was full of raw cupcake batter for Jake's birthday party. All of this got fixed and replaced while it was easy to find and hire help, and it was all settled in time for isolation.

     The flu hit me hard and not only taught me lessons about surrender, gratitude and intentionality, it triggered me to ramp up healthy practices at home. We all started to be diligent with our supplements, made healthier meals, and made regular rest a priority. This has really helped in keeping us healthy for months. Maybe it has even protected us while we were still out in the community with this virus?

     The "life" stuff settled down around this time, but because of everything that came before it, we were extra intentional and mindful throughout the holiday season. It felt like an extra significant year for us, and now seeing how much the entire world is being impacted, I'm so grateful that it was.

     January + February
     These were hard, gloomy months. It was hard to stay on track with life's requirements and to see the value in doing most of it. Matt traveled twice and they were difficult solo-parenting weeks. My Grandma was in the hospital for a few days and it was worrisome for all of us. There were good moments, but this is where I really started to question certain "to do" tasks and felt like I'd entered the holding pattern. For weeks I felt like I was grasping for meaning, depth, and slowing down.

     And almost all of that has passed, now. I feel rejuvinated, supported, and aligned when I look back like this on the last 6 months. I felt hurt, disappointed, scared, and let down when really - I was being supported and prepared the whole time. It's all magic. I hope I never again forget that.

PS - Dad's co-worker tested negative for the virus, so it looks like Dad just had the flu!

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