Friday, March 11, 2022

When the Inevitable Finds You.

It's been a long, weird two years. 

Most of it filled with anxiety and grief. Sure, there were long lazy mornings spent on Animal Crossing islands, more outdoor minutes than ever before, and for a beat - a sourdough starter to be fascinated by. 

But it was lonely, and divisive, and confusing. And as we approached evidence that a return to normal-ish was finally possible, I assumed that the good, bad, and all the in-between of the pandemic experience was coming to a close. 

I don't know, maybe it still is.

But not for me and my house.

Tissues for covidBecause last Tuesday morning, my eight year old walked into school and caught covid. I mean - I can't say that for sure. There are other avenues of exposure he went down last week. But based on his Thursday symptoms and omicron's 48 hour incubation, it's a safe bet.

What was really fun, was following in his footsteps about 10 hours later.

The pinnacle of our enjoyment was when the other three members of our household had to pack up their things and rush out of the house lest those spike proteins dug themselves into their A2 receptors as well.

(Very grateful that covid did not disintegrate the sarcasm center of my brain.)

Last weekend was a flaming heap of garbage. Both my little guy and I have been sicker in the past, for certain, but not being able to freely breathe through your own nose is never a good time. Not to mention, knowing that you're carrying a novel virus that will wreak unknown havoc on your body for who knows how long makes it the scariest stuffy nose of your life.

So. We did our best to remain calm, but it wasn't easy. My mental health was in the shitter on day 4.

Turns out, the resulting sob fest was the key to my recovery. Tears, in enough quantity, act like a natural neti pot. (Follow me for more covid recovery tips!) My sinuses were never more grateful for my fragile emotional state. I've been on the up ever since. So, don't let anyone ever tell you that sitting on the floor crying and chanting "this is too hard" is pathetic. You're practicing medicine, babe.

For six days, I spent every waking moment with a sick eight year old, three high-maintenance cats, and a dog with separation anxiety that couldn't understand why half her pack was missing and spent 23 hours a day longingly looking out the window for them.

Here's what we did:

  • Blew through three boxes of tissues. They filled a whole garbage bag.

  • Watched the first two seasons of The Good Place together. It's really adorable to watch a kid make very, very incorrect predictions for what will happen next. Cutie doesn't know the sitcom patterns yet! Adorbs.

  • Had UberEats drop us some soup from Panera. Five stars for Shawn.

  • Rarely put in the effort to shift from one set of pajamas to another.

  • Shared a sick bed, but upside down. My dude was afraid to be in his room alone (he shares with his brother normally), but I didn't love the idea of us breathing covid back and forth all night. So I set him up head-to-feet, and he got a kick out of it. I also got a kick out of it - from his giant beyond his years flippers that he calls feet.

And, in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep and sniffled over cups of tea and cough drops, I decided that it was high time to keep up with the Kardashians. I went two damn decades not giving a rat's ass about what the hell they did in front of cameras for the past twenty years, and suddenly, at 3am, I needed to know. I've now watched hours of that garbage, and Kourtney still hasn't even given birth, Khloe is still using her weird baby voice, and Kim hasn't been married for 72 hours yet.


Has this been the weirdest week of my life? You bet. 

This morning, there was a very chunky one-legged goose on my roof and I'm not sure what kind of sign that is, but I think I'm in the upside down? None of this feels real. I mean, in what world does a mom work her ass off to protect her family from a pandemic for two years, and then she gets it the very week "it's over"? The moment everyone is unmasking? What kind of plot is that? Who wrote this??


Am I in The Bad Place?

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