Wednesday, May 25, 2022

It's Time to Get Loud.

I was so angry last night.

I couldn't sleep. I was awake hours later than I normally am - all full of jumpy anxiety and rage. 

You know what they say about anger. It's just sadness with motivation. 

But what was I to do, in the darkness of my bedroom at midnight, other than angrily retweet and shame the portion of the internet that still refuses to vote in favor of gun reform? It was all I had, so I did it.

Short on sleep and worried as hell, I felt like a zombie this morning.

I normally write or read a book with my coffee. That felt incredibly trivial. So I just stared out the window, wondering how I would be okay kissing my kids goodbye today.

Before they woke up, I decided I'd spend my day writing letters. Getting loud. Using my anger for something, even if it falls on deaf ears. I was numb while I packed lunches - pausing to google resources and listen to my kids just being kids with their bin of Legos while they waited for their breakfast.

I thought about my kids' teachers - how hurt they must feel, how worried, how tired. I stopped and wrote a quick email to my youngest's teacher.

Then I helped my second grader get dressed. I did his hair. I hung a mask on a lanyard around his neck because guns aren't the only current threat in sending our kids off to school right now. 

And then I hugged him extra long, kissed him extra times, and said right next to his ear, "I love you so incredibly much."

When he left, I checked my email and saw that his teacher had responded. And she was heartbroken. I could sense the devastation and fear in her response. 

The combination of ensuring my 8 year old got a proper goodbye and his teacher even having to say the words that she would protect him with her life broke me.

School should not be a potential threat to a child's life.

I've been a sobbing, blubbering mess since.

My heart is struggling to comprehend how much senseless death we have allowed in this country. There should have been change from the FIRST instance of a mass casualty event by an assault rifle. Real, immediate, effective change.

Instead, we're letting our kids and our grandparents and our communities get slaughtered at the hands of angry, evil people who have been sold a narrative of hate and selfishness and greed. And we let those people have weapons of war because money and elections mean more to our leadership than human lives. 

Screw your votes. Screw your luxuries. Screw your republican tax breaks.

If you aren't doing your part to work towards gun reform, YOU are part of the problem. Yes, you. And if you're ignoring this because you or your loved ones are not a minority in this country, or you don't have a child to send off to school hoping that they'll be safe enough there, I hope you are aware of your extreme privilege. Use some of it to help those who DO have to worry about those things.

Do better.

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